Six months...

Well, they weren't wrong about the holidays. It hurt like you know what. This year was the first year I think I leaned more toward "glad they were over" more than "happy they happened." We got a few little things to remember Caleb by &, of course, each time I would lose it. It was hard & sad, but it was also a happy sad. Sad that he wasn't here but happy that his memory was included in the holiday. I think I would have been more upset after if it hadn't been.

And now tomorrow marks his 6 month Heavenly birthday. We've continued to get through each day with as much strength as we can. But when I think about him, the pain is still the same. It hurts just as much today as it did the day it happened.

And if you were here with me now, sweet boy..you'd be close to sitting up on your own. Probably rolling around like madman. Eating your rice, fruits, & veggies. Giggling & waving your hands up & down out of pure joy. You'd have a killer smile. (I'd know..because I gave it to you. :))

But you're not here. You are somewhere so much better than here. You have the wings of an angel & I feel you here with me every day. What I wouldn't give to have you physically here to hug on, to kiss those chubby cheeks!

These sweet little arms or those adorable little feet.

I know I will see you again & for that I am thankful..but I still am selfishly sad that today is another day that I don't physically have you here.

I made my goal for 2015 to try & be more positive. To really believe that God will bring us good, that He will continue to pour out His blessings from this pain. Not only to just believe it, but to really feel it..let it seep into my skin & begin to truly heal my broken heart. Most days I can hold my head up, believe in the promise that's been made..but on days like today, when I miss you more than my heart can handle, I am weak.

I truly wish you were here, sweet boy! I will love and miss you every day of my life. 

I hope you are dancing in Heaven..for mommy & daddy!  

<3 CCF