I've lost my flow..

It's been awhile since I've made a post to the blog.

It's not for lack of thought or even lack of effort. I've found myself on this site with a post started, a paragraph written & the pain all the sudden taking over. It would take over & there was no way I could finish. The pain has seemed to get a lot deeper over the last few weeks. The days may be more spread apart when I have the breakdown but when it hits, it hits hard.

I also feel like with my emotions all over the place that any thought or feeling I try to express on here comes out as a hot mess..so bare with me.

Last week we took the kids down to Gatlinburg for 2 nights in hopes of giving us all a little bit of a mental break & try to have some fun. I will admit, it did give us the break from our minds but Matt & I quickly realized we were just going through the motions. It doesn't feel right to be happy. A big piece of our hearts & lives is just gone -- & has only been gone for 2 weeks at that point? We know it's something we are going to have to work on.

We went to church on Saturday night & found in the program a big section on community groups & one of the community groups is an 8 week group on Grief. After talking about things on Monday, we determined we needed to do something because for each of us, the pain wasn't going away & it didn't seem easier to deal with. It just feels like it hurts a little more & we don't know how to overcome. We start those on the 25th of September.

As it has been since our tragic loss, we are overwhelmed with gratitude for everything people have been doing for us. Again with the meals & all of the donations on the gofundme site -- we have been so well taken care of & appreciate it all so much. On top of all those items, people have been sending us items to keep Caleb close to our hearts. I wanted to share a few photos of the items because they've been so special to me.

I truly love each & every one of these items. They are things I never would have thought to get for myself & yet so many things to keep Caleb with us.

Again -- this blog is turning into my giant thank you note. We are so grateful for everything everyone has done for us. Thank you, thank you, thank you.