How has it already been a week?
It felt like the shortest amount of time yet the longest week of my life. It took us 7 days to finally get to the day we could lay baby Caleb to rest.
His burial service was set to begin at 1 pm at Graceland Cemetery off Deerfield in Milford.
Thanks to Evans Funeral Home, we were able to see our baby one more time before the burial service. We went down to Evans around 12 & were able to see him at peace in his casket with all the items we had taken for him. Henry sent a Percy train, Evelyn sent a lovie (one she had stealthily stole from Don & Irene's house…but it worked. It had been a lovie all the grandkids had used), Matt & I both wrote Caleb letters, & he had his giraffe Matt & I gave him right before we left the hospital. He was dressed in a set of jammies Matt & I had bought before he was born & he was wrapped in a blanket we had all set for his arrival. He looked so incredibly beautiful. He almost looked like a baby doll just resting there. It hurt like hell. We just sat with him, cried, prayed over him for about 45 minutes before they told us it was time to take him to the service. I will never forget the feeling of having to walk away from my baby for the last time. I kissed his sweet angel baby face & almost ran out of the room. I knew if I didn't get out of there quick, I wouldn't get out of there at all.
We rode to the service in pretty much silence. I tried my best to make the tears stop falling before we got to the service. The service was beautiful. There were only a few moments in the service that I seemed to lose my cool. Aaron & Cory acted as paul bearers bringing baby Caleb in -- this was one of those moments. Pastor Edwards did a wonderful job..he read a poem his wife wrote for us (which I will post later). At the end of the service, we had a balloon release where each person could write a message & attach it to a balloon. This was the moment I really lost it. As soon as we let our messages go I couldn't hold it in anymore. My baby was gone.
Amy managed to snap this photo on her phone for us & when we got back to our car there was a message with it that said "Beauty in times of sadness." She later posted the picture to Facebook & with it wrote a message that I've decided to put on his headstone. "We wanted to teach you how to walk, but you learned how to fly."
Later that night we had our open house in memory of Caleb. To be honest, I didn't know how it would turn out. I wasn't all that sure many people would come. How shocked was I. Not only by the overall outpouring of love but by the first & almost last people who made an appearance. The very first person who came in to the church was no one other than MOLLY. I had no idea she would be there. Her coming alone made my night. My sister said her timing could not have been more perfect because I was able to get out a lot of my tears at the very beginning & keep myself composed the rest of the night. Molly -- I now know you are reading this. :) You have no idea how much it meant to me (& to Matt) that you came. I hope you felt it in the death grip hug I gave you & when I didn't seem to let go. You are one very special individual. I know that I could never do what you do & do it with as much grace, compassion, & love as you do. Molly also told me that Kate would be coming later once they switched shifts at the hospital. Again..having that to look forward to..my heart was full. 3 people from that moment on could have shown up & I would have been happy. But that's NOT what happened. Instead, so so so so so many of you came. Family, friends, coworkers…everyone. There was hardly a moment during that 2 hours that Matt & I weren't hugging someone & thanking them for coming. Everyone kept asking if I needed a chair or wanted me to sit down. Quite frankly, it was fine by me. I wanted to hug every single person that came to pay their respects to sweet baby Caleb. I said it that night & I'll say it again -- he was lucky enough to never have to feel the pain, heartache, or nastiness of this world but he was unlucky in having never met all of those who loved him. I know he was looking down from Heaven smiling. Kate AND Joann ended up showing up!!!! It was wonderful. You will hear more about Kate & Joann in later posts..
So this is the start of some serious gratitude coming from me. Matt & I can not thank EVERYONE who has been helping us out over the last few days. The meals -- Jessica, Alicia, Tessa, Christina & Gareth, Sarah.., the general family care -- mom, Don, Irene, Amy, Aaron, Cory, Angela, Sarah, Emily, Jess…, the moral support from countless people..people we know & even people we don't know, & the donations …
Our Go Fund Me set up by Amy Fine
When Amy asked if she could set this up for us..we didn't really feel right about it. We knew what we were getting ourselves into when we were pregnant (granted…the pregnancy was a bit of an accident & we did not have ourselves set with the proper insurance for having a baby)..we felt like it was our financial responsibility. We talked & prayed about what to do in this situation..we knew we were going to be on an uphill battle & after talking it out with a few people, we felt maybe it was worth a shot. A lot of people had asked how they could help & if other people wanted to help bare our burdens, then they would do so willingly & for that we would be grateful. Anything over & above what our medical costs were & we would donate the rest in Caleb's name to the March of Dimes. Even though we said that, we didn't really expect the kind of response we got! Sitting here now as I type this blog that go fund me is at $4,795. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! My heart hurts from this generosity. I am crying tears of joy over people & what you have done for us. My mother in law said to us last night that we have one awesome group of friends & that is so beyond true. We are so very lucky to have each & every one of you as a part of our lives. I do not know how we would be getting through this without you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you from the very bottom of our hearts.
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