Well, one week from today will mark 4 months. Where have the last 4 months gone? They've gone to grieving, working, trying to live life the way it used to be even though life will never truly be the way it used to be.
We made it through Thanksgiving. I will admit that before Thanksgiving, I was very much looking forward to the holiday season. I thought if anything, it would be the time that happiness just flowed & it wasn't necessarily forced. I think I was lying to myself for thinking that I would somehow get through the days without thinking about our situation, what happened, or the big piece of our lives that was missing. Thanksgiving came & went -- & it was okay. I wouldn't say I enjoyed the day as much as I normally did. Thanksgiving is definitely one of my top 5 favorite days of the year -- up there with PreThanksgiving (which was a BUST this year & those in attendance know why!) & Christmas Eve/Day. I was okay because I wasn't hidden under the covers in my bed. I could still feel the weight of my reality on my heart & it made everything a little bit gray.
The days following Thanksgiving, I saw a photo on Facebook that said: "People shouldn't tell you 'it's going to be alright,' they should be telling you to hold on tight because it's going to hurt like hell." I remember how emotional the statement made me feel because of how true it was. People could tell me until they are blue it the face that it was "going to be alright" or what have you when the truth of the matter is..it's going to hurt. like. hell. Nothing will replace the pain of what you've lost. You are just doing & dealing every single day & one day you will realize that the doing & dealing is a lot easier today then it was yesterday & that is about as much as you can ask for.
Caleb Cassius, I will never stop missing you. Not an hour of the day has gone by where I don't think about you & miss you. You will forever be my baby boy. <3 I love you.
